Kitchen Disasters

Twas nine days before Christmas
And Cindy was itchin'
Making a terrible mess in the kitchen
Trying out recipes fancy and new
Like sweet tamales and gingerbread too
Thinking that gingerbread cats would be fun
And those sweet tamales made just for her Hon

Here is a lesson of which you should heed:
Never multi task cooking new things while you read
The pan for tamales got filled by mistake
With molasses meant for the gingerbread bake.
It took the whole jar, that was all I had got
So I scraped dilute molasses out of the pot
And continued the recipe hoping like hell
That the gingerbread cats would turn out well.

The gingerbread dough was suspiciously dry
So I put it aside with a tear in my eye.
The recipe printed to make the tamales
Skipped a few steps  and they were not smallies!
This batter, too was much, much too crumbly
"What do I do now?" I then muttered dumbly
So I kept adding pineapple, along with its juice
But the batter never really got very loose.

I spread it into the corn husk as if in a dream
And put that pot on the stove to steam.

Then at that moment who should appear
But my mother in law at the door in the rear
She came to help with the baking and cooking
And she was a bit dubious -- I could tell by looking.
The gingerbread dough, so stiff and dry
Just wouldn't  roll out -- I wanted to cry.
With a thought to melting the shortening a bit,
I thought that the microwave just might do it.
Success! The dough finally got soft
So we rolled it out, and then we were off.

Two dozen cookies we pressed into cats
And into the oven -- so that was that!!!

My thought was to decorate each little pet
And bring some for Christmas down to my vet,
I made royal icing to squeeze out for the faces
And cinnamon candy for a nose in their places.

When the cookies were cooled, I squeezed on the icing
Which blurred and ran and did not look enticing.
After several attempts, we decided we'd best
Taste these cat cookies and then frost the rest.

One bite of a gingerbread cat told the truth
They were so hard and dry that I could have cracked a tooth.

Into the garbage can every cat tumbled.
I was so downcast that I almost crumbled.
So much for cookies that I could be proud of
Made with molasses I now had run out of.

Meantime, tamales were steaming away.
I hoped I had something to show for the day
Spent in the kitchen with flour on my nose
Watching the steam from the pot as it rose.

I lifted tamales onto a plate
And thought about cookies I already ate
All of the work!   All of the pain!
Those expensive ingredients right down the drain!
A big bowl of frosting that I could not use
A  splotch of molasses on my shoes.

Just then Rodthecarguy came in for his lunch
And I gave him a sweet tamale to munch.
I ate one too and to my great dismay
They didn't taste nearly as good as they say.
Even with twice as much pineapple juice
They weren't very sweet and that is the truth.

My kitchen had turned to a raging disaster
And I had to clean up those messes thereafter.
Nothing to show for  such toil in the casa
Gone the golden raisins, pineapple and masa.

I think I'll go back to the things that I know
Shortbread, and fudge, and chocolate chip dough.
At least then when the bowls are sticky and greasy
I'll know that the goodies they held came easy